It kinda puts Morgan's first day of school into perspective!

School's First Day by Max Lucado

“Jenna, wake up. It’s time to go to school.”
She will hear those words a thousand times in her life. But she heard them for the first time this morning.
I sat on the edge of her bed for a while before I said them to her. To tell the truth, I didn’t want to say them. I didn’t want to wake her. As I sat in the silence, I realized that my words would awaken her to a new world.
For four lightning-fast years she’d been ours, and ours alone. And now that was all going to change.
I didn’t want to wake her up because I didn’t want to give her up.
But I woke her anyway. I interrupted her childhood with the inevitable proclamation, “Jenna, wake up.… It’s time to go to school.”
I knew it was time. I knew it was right. And I knew she would be fine. I gave her up as much as I could today.
Today’s events took it from black-and-white theology to Technicolor reality.
“What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?” (Romans 8:31, 32)
I was releasing Jenna into a safe environment with a compassionate teacher who stood ready to wipe away any tears. You, Father, released Jesus into a hostile arena with a cruel soldier who turned the back of your son into raw meat.
I gave up my child fully aware that were she to need me I would be at her side in a heartbeat. You said good-bye to your son fully aware that when he would need you the most, when his cry of despair would roar through the heavens, you would sit in silence. The angels, though positioned, would hear no command from you. Your son, though in anguish, would feel no comfort from your hands.
Before the day was over, I sat in silence a second time. This time not beside my daughter, but before my Father. This time not sad over what I had to give, but grateful for what I’d already received—living proof that God does care.

Wal-Mart and being God's Favorite Child...

I'm one of those weird people who love to grocery shop, I mean it's a shopping spree every single week with $100 limit!! But today, I kinda went over my limit. I got...

1. Matthew a fish. It's a beta and Matthew wants to call him Fish but it comes out as Bish, so I think we ought to call him Bish.

2. The good dogfood for my dog that's a little bit more expensive but that he'll actually eat. I swear, I seriously worry about my dog when he doesn't eat. Oh and cat toys for Jinx.

3. Cake mix, frosting and.....Spiderman cupcake liner things. I want to get them made before Morgan gets home because he will be so excited.

It's just these little things that I get excited about because I get to do them because I'm the mom, you know?



Who am I?

I'm a child of God. That is what my life is based on. I try really hard to always see the good in people. I try to be positive and uplifting. My mother in law once said that if it won't build someone up, don't say it. That doesn't mean to constantly blow smoke up their backside either. I can try to build someone up by telling them that the way they do things could use a little help. I just do it nicely.

Remember that "Friends" episode where everyone was calling Rachel a doormat because she would do things to make her friends happy? Well, that irritates me because by their terms, I'm a doormat and according to a woman on SAHPs, she thinks I'm one too. But I don't see anything wrong in being tolerant or letting someone else's choice over rule mine. In my mind, it doesn't matter because I know who I am and I know that I'm more important than what's for dinner or whatever the choice was about.

I want to make people happy. I want to be known as that lady who is nice or will always help out or whatever. And that goes back to being a child of God. How can anyone be a doormat if they are God's favorite child? (That's another thing my mother in law says - she's God's favorite child, good thing He can have more than one!)

Money, Money, Money, Mooooney

I'm sure that the song I'm thinking of is called "Money" but I don't know who sings it. Money...how can I get more?! Do I need to start calling everyone in the phonebook and asking them if they need childcare? I'm seriously thinking about having a yard sale this weekend to have some extra money but I wanted to have a yard sale to actually be able to buy more stuff not pay bills. Ugh...

I'm in a pissy mood!

There are so many things lately that are just totally annoying me. On the SAHP board, there was a post about a five month being left in a van all day and she of course died. The mom "forgot". It's just another example that no one is responsible for anything anymore. Someone said it was a mistake. Forgetting your lunch is a mistake, not leaving your five month old in the car for ten hours in the middle of summer.

Another thing that is really starting to get on my nerves. I bet you didn't know I had four boys did you? I swear! The neighbor boy has been at our house all day long every day this week. Hello??? I have three children, do his parents ever once think, "Gee, she might be getting a little tired of having to watch my child?" I'm thisclose to going and charging them for childcare! He just came in and scared me...oh, he is such a good kid, why do I want to murder him?!?!

What else is irritating me? Money, I need another kid and bad! I've had one inquiry and nothing back. Okay, I'm off of here, I need to go make some coffee or something!

Random Thoughts

I need to try to find some rechargeable batteries for my digital camera after I finish this, so maybe writing this here will help me remember.

The lady I babysit for just dropped off Amara and she looked like she had cried all morning. She said that her and Amara's dad may not be staying together. That is so sad. She is probably in her mid 20s and she is raising her brother and sister along with Amara. Her mom has been gone for four years now and I don't know about the dad. Just so sad and I'm sure she's so tired and stressed. I told her that if she needed me to watch Amara longer just let me know. I am so lucky with Chad. I am so secure in his love that stuff like this happening to us is as foreign as I don't even know what.

Neva is applying for a job here in about an hour, Lord I hope she gets it. I have never heard her sound as low as she has lately. I've been praying about it all week. I hope it's exactly what she needs and wants.

My sciatica thing hurts so stinking bad! I did something to it yesterday and I was in tears. I need to go see a chiropractor but that ain't gonna happen anytime soon.

Okay, I need to go see if I can find some batteries and balance the checkbook so Chad and I can go out tomorrow night!

I haven't written in a while and I need to so here I am! I found a little girl to babysit and make some extra money. Her name is Amara and she is really sweet. I don't mind watching her at all except for those times when I just don't want the added responsibility but 95% of the time, she's just fine.

Today is Morgan's birthday. I can't believe my baby is 5! Where did those years go? He keeps saying this morning that he is 5 now and can do whatever he wants or now that he's five, he doesn't eat breakfast anymore! We are gonna give him some little presents tonight but his big gift was Saturday. Mom, Dad and Bri came over and we went and got him a swing set. Dad and Chad put it together and it looks great in the backyard. Morgan kept thanking Mom for it. It makes me happy that he is so appreciative.

I need to figure out some way to find one more kid to babysit. Amara is just part time right now and I need at least one full time kid if we aren't gonna struggle for money. And I'm just really tired of struggling. I don't mind scrimping and pinching but I hate the panic attacks at midnight when I can't sleep. I also seriously need to get back into the mind set that $20 here and there REALLY adds up! We've basically been able to spend whatever we want and we just can't do that anymore. Plus all the dr bills from Matthew's finger. Which looks so wonderful, I might add. I'm so totally impressed, thrilled, excited, etc that his finger is going to look totally normal. We are truly blessed. He is standing beside me right now looking through the sheer curtains and slapping my arm and then just giggling like a maniac. He got into some kind of bug the other day and got eaten up. His leg looks like a red dot to dot.

Painting is so much fun!!

Kitchen before...

Dining room after.

Kitchen after.

Dining room before.

For some reason, I can not for the life of me get these pictures to post in the correct order. Anyway, you get the idea!

Wal-Mart and Toys from Goodwill

We went to Goodwill yesterday and Morgan got this pink guitar that has the shoulder strap and makes music. I was calling him my little rock star yesterday. He was in the backyard last night on the hill just jamming on his guitar. Matthew got the little Dirt Devil vacuum that we used to have for Morgan. I hope when they get old enough to actually vacuum they'll still want to.

We found the Super Wal-Mart closest to our house. Yay!!! I'm so glad that we have one, that will make the weekly shopping so much easier. It's really nice too - brand new. There is also a Little Caesar's Pizza so I'm sure I'll need to start budgeting $13 a week for pizza and crazy bread. Chad loves that stuff.

I ripped all the wallpaper out of the kitchen, it looks so much better. I need to wash the walls with something, but I can not wait to get paint up on those walls. We're gonna get the paint this weekend.

Austin is definitely teething, his two top teeth are coming in and boy, is he cranky?! I'm also weaning him, we kinda did cold turkey. No more during the day and just once or twice at night. I'll totally wean him in a couple of weeks in time for his birthday. This will be the first time that I've weaned a child and not been pregnant with another one! Okay, Matthew is screaming to go, "rockabye!" so I'm done.

We are finally home!!

Yep, you read right, after only three weeks of living with my parents and hearing, "we're only waiting on a couple more things, should be tomorrow." we have finally bought our first home. It wasn't as scary as I thought, but it truly was a pain in the behind!

On a much more serious note, Matthew had a horrible accident last Friday and almost lost the tip of his left index finger. He smashed it between a brick and the floor of Mom and Dad's patio. I hope to never again see anything like what I saw when I looked up to see why he was screaming. It was truly the most horrible thing ever. It is slowly healing itself back to the way it was, it looks really good except for no fingernail. He is such a strong, brave little man. Last night after I changed his bandage, he goes, "thank you mommy" and gave me a huge hug. I love him so much and I think it kills me so much when he hurts himself because he can also irritate me quicker than anyone. The day of his accident he was being such a little stink that when it happened I just knew it was payback, but I know it wasn't, it just hurts me that I can be so irritated with him one second and then feel so horrible the next. Anyway...it's healing and that is all I can ask for.

Buying a house is a level of Hell.

I could not in a million years have imagined that when we started this whole house buying process that I would be where I am right now. Which is at my parent's house where we have been since Wednesday night (it is now Monday). We were told Tuesday that yes, get that UHaul because we will close on Wednesday. Then we were told that yes it was definitely going to happen on Thursday and then it was definitely going to happen on Friday. Are you starting to see a pattern here? We found out Friday night that the company we had gotten the loan from had shut down and that they were trying to process all of the loans they had taken on. Our's was definitely going to be honored but until then we were gonna have to wait. UHaul called Saturday morning and they were all bitchy because we were supposed to return their truck Thursday but we of course hadn't, so I got to let them know what was going on too. I feel right now that we are never going to actually live in this house but I'm sure at some point this will all be a distant memory. I'm just sad that we are gonna have to give UHaul our first born child for payment. :P

Here's the front! I love this house.

Here is the backyard of our new house. I think Matthew deleted a bunch of pics so I don't have one of the front anymore. Anyway, I talked to the realtor and the mortgage broker and Lord willing, we will close on Monday!!! I have to send in some more paperwork today but then hopefully that will be it and we can be done and get this show on the road! I am ready to be out of these ghetto apartments and ready for my boys to be playing in that backyard!

Matthew and Austin chilling on the floor!

Morgan on the way to school.

I have started a blog that I would like to post in just to kind of keep a record of my days. I know that's what a blog is, but I'm not gonna get all in depth and stuff like that. I'm just gonna post daily goings on and whatnot. Like today for example, Morgan was acting like a stink at preschool, running all over and not staying with me so when we got into the car I was getting onto him and he goes on and on about how sorry he is and how he will never do it again and he is so sorry and he just loves me so much. He cracks me up! I think he has a touch of Catholic in him because the other day on the way to Mom and Dad's he sat in the car and apologized for everything he had done that day. I guess he was confessing and hoping for absolution (isn't that the word for it?)
Austin has been a little fussy today, I think he's teething and Matthew is wanting something right now but I don't know what! Let me go and try to figure it out!